My expectation

I came to this read expecting tragedy after tragedy. I had the false impression that this was going to be the saddest book I will ever read, which kind of ruined the book for me, but not too much.

My review

Don't get me wrong, the book was mostly sad, as there were a few tragic events, but Albert mixed it up with some beautiful descriptions of small moments that most people take for granted, especially when he would describe Marie. Albert seems to send the reader one major idea:
Nothing matters very much. This appears when the protagonist finds himself in front of a sad or tragic moment. Even death, which most people are terrified of, does not matter that much. Hope the crowd would jeer for you on your way to the guillotine. .

Notes

poorly written notes i wrote while reading the book, I thought it would be cool reading these in a few years when i read the book again.

CHAPTER ONE:

- Why is the protagonist worried about non trivial shit, his mom died. maybe he does not like her or maybe he is very anxious.

- Reading that he "has to borrow his friend's black tie for the funerual" is weird until i recalled that everybody does something similar, why care how you look to your mother's funerual ?

- If you meet someone who's relatives died, STFU, just listen to them talk if they want to, don't be like the warden of the senior's home.

- People love to have power other people just like the doorkeeper of the mortuary and the warden too (a side thought: There seem to exist a few people who would have no issue sucking up to the person practicing power over them)

- Again he is thinking non important thoughts while his mom is in a coffin which i relate to (not that my mother was dead and i though those thoughts ) beacause that happens to me at times, i aslo find myself thinking that i will think a certain stupid though in a future event that is not appropriate to the thought (if that even make sense)

- Reading about the funerual, especially about the guy who supervise the funerual. it made me think how humans invented weird ceremonies, I understand that those ceremonied were a coping mechanisme for humans to explain death but still werid.

CHAPTER TWO:

- Cute little encounter with the girl, although i am not really against sex scenec in books and movies, sexual scenes do feel forced sometimes, the section with the girl was almost perfect.

- Again, His mother's death does not seem to affect him at all, could he just not be feeling anything ? maybe he is so logical that firmly believe in the idea that once someone is dead there is no point of feeling sad, this sounds stupid because people do not choose to feel in such circumstances but also people are conditioned and told their whole life to feel sad when someone dies, I know someone who cried because her father died although she publicly stated that she hated him.

CHAPTER THREE

- It seems like the protagonist is a people pleaser and he loves to stay away from trouble even at his or other's expense

CHAPTER FOUR

- Reading about his time with marie (seems like a girlfriend of some sort) makes me want to get a cute amish girlfriend and enjoy my life with her with minimal technology. I feel some sort of weird nostalgia to pre internet times, where everyone where suits and flower dresses were the peak of fashion.

- Raymond is quite insecure

- It's weird but not unusual for humans to treat a companion like trash and feel lonely when that companion leaves, just like the old man and his dog

CHPATER FIVE

- A prediction of mine: Raymond will try to make a move on marrie but i am not sure how the pratogonist will react

- I came to this book expecting to read the most fucked up tragedies but now reading about his time with marie(I just recalled that i used to know a girl that i liked named maria who i called marie) only made me happier and wanting the same with the future marie of .

- Writing this just after the fight with arabs at the beach, will the arabs could have killed marie and mason's wife

- nvm

- the pratogonist is a piece of shit, why the fuck do you encourage him to shoot ?

- he i really a piece of shit, covering for raymond (who became friends with a minute ago) for beating the poor woman but also killing the arab.

PART TWO

CHAPTER ONE:

- I thought at first that he was not gonna confess, but after further reading, he seemed to have confesed from the beginning, he really give no fucks

- now it got interesting and philosophical to me, exactly when the magistrate asked him "my life to have no meaning ?"

- he is brutally honest when he wants to but agreeable when he wants to avoid someone or something

Chapter TWO:

- ANother prediction: he'll go out and find Marie married to raymond and they had kids together

- he has this weird type Gratitude, he realises that there are people who go through much worse. usually, the default for pepole is feeling bad for themselves, they craft a story about how they are the victim and how the world was unjust to them. true or not (that they suffered so much) it rarely matters because feeling sorry for yourself will only paralyse you and make you unhappy.

- this idea that he felt like he "thought like a free man in the first few months of prison" is validating to the previous idea, i'll quote a seneca quote that sums up this perfectly "we suffer more in imagination than in reality"

- prison is really the ultimate "dopamine detox"

- the czech story is fucked up, I thought the whole story would be a bunch of czech story like stories

- days have no meaning to him, only tomorrow and yetserday have meaning. I like the idea of days having no meanings(including yetserday and tomorrow) except today especially the now.

- he previousely talked about playing a game with himself where he'll recall every detail of object in a certain path to his cell, I think this is how life should be lived, immersed in the present moment to the point where you notice minot details

- he is aware of what strangers might be thinking about him which is a good quality to have

- he seem to not care at all, he is in court and still thinking about sounding silly, you never know how you'll react in such situations but i like to think that i would act similar to him, I am a huge believer in "the damage is done"

- it is absurd how people (lawyer and the press) act so lovey dovey and exchange laugh while they are about to start a murder trial

- is the woman in the celst cafe that he followed will testify against him ?

- they ask you for your name if you are being tried ? to not try the wrong person ? LMAO

- this attitude of the sadder you are the dearer your death relative was to you is stupid, the idea that you hace to cry in the death of someone just because.

- the use of irrelevant events to prove a point in the court and convince the jury is dumb and speak to the inherent flaw in the court system, everyone in court should be busy finding the truth instead of they are doing

- he drank cafe of lait ? oh no, killer

- the talk about him accepting the coffee speaks directly to the absurdity of life, motherfuckers out there discussing trivial shit

- Although he killed the man and i am not really fond of him, I do find myself hoping they find him not guilty

- the lawyer comforting him reminded me of saul goodman

- idk about IRL but in the movies, trials are all about how it looks instead how it actually is.

- oh fuck he started fucking a day after his mom died, the jury will like that

- The prosecuter asking marie which film they had watched the day they had sex for the first time as a way to show that he is evil, that question speaks enormously about how people operate, one way to manipulate or convince people is to appeal to their versions of whataver you are trying to convince them of, you can dress and act in certain ways that they might feel intimidated, you can also dress and act in way that would make them feel superior

- oh marie pulled the crying ultimate, that would normally get you a pentakill, i am not sure it will in this case

- will raymonf come through with the save ?

- The presecutor questioning the idea that it was all a coincedence that he killed the arab, it seems like camus is questioning chance, chance seems to be an event that we couldn't explain so we call it chance. I might reading too much into it

- Although i see how the character of the prisoner would play a role, meaning that a prisoner's bad character increases the chances that he might have actually done the crime

- the prosecuter now explained why the circumstances around his mothers death relates to him killing the man but i still think it is a flawed way of reaching truth

- damn the prosecuter trying to blame him for the other murder too bruh

- he seems to recall the beauty of the little things such as the smells of summer and beautiful streets which seems to me is an attempt to remind the reader of the beauty of little things and not take them for granted

- Damn they gonna cut his head, fuck

- he refused to see the prison chaplain not that it mattered now but it could have mattered before, I would to do that even if i was not believer of that religion just to play the jury and the public

- he is fucked in the head a bit tbh

- Growing up you are conditioned to fear death, Some peoeple might say that fear is a natural response when facing death and i don't know the science behind it but there numerous poeple who looked face in the eyes and just enjoyed every bit of it, my point is panicking while you are dying is an unproductive unfun way of dying.

- he is experiencing what most people would consider normal reaction to waiting to get the death penalty, but also he is trying to think of the whole thing logically, thinking logically seems a great skill to have but letting your drive you can be rewarding as they can push you to find unlogical solutions.

- him suddenly mentioning marry confirms that he did not really love her which he stated to her to be fair.

- nice cahplain trying to kiss a dead man in his cell PAUSE

- the chaplain displayed an attitude that most religious people display which is their desperate clinginess to the after life because without it they will be destroyed

- He seems to question the value of everything in life, you are conditioned to give a fuck about so much, would you really give a fuck if you were never pushed to ?

- Him letting his anger out on the priest washed the pain away, although this is might be the intended goal of that part but it reminds me of how people use religion to wash their pain away.

- in the last sentnce, he seemed to have accpeted death in a good way, he is not afraid of it, he was hoping to enjoy the execution [huge crowd of spectators and that they should greet me with howls of execration]

- I am just now recalling the similarities of the court scene between this novella and the movie the shawshank redmption.